The "F Some $#!+ Up" Workout

It's no secret that I love to train. And by "train," I mean like a beast.

I'm not a casual "worker-outer."

God made me ridiculously strong- and trust me- I have given it the ole' college try of NOT training like a beast and while I can skate by for a day or two...by day three I am besides myself and it takes every electron in my body to NOT go charging through the public like some crazed wildabeast.

I just finished up a remodeling and redesign project (home interior) and in the midst of projects like that...I gotta be honest: your brain is on frickin OVERLOAD. You don't really sleep, because you're waking up with creative ideas, or with sudden realization you forgot one small detail, or the urgency to send one more email...

And that's the preparation. That doesn't even count the actual SELLING it to the client.

Needless to say, in a whirlwind of work flow like that- training sessions are shorter and/or not as intense as I like them to be. So when the project is coming to a close and the gates of time open back up again, I set a day to train COMPLETELY unopposed and train for as long and with as many sessions in the day that I want.

Prep starts the night before with a really solid meal. I wake up in the morning between 0430 and 0500- have a cup of coffee, breakfast and a bunch of lemon water- and head out the door to the gym.

The overall goal for the day was to have a productive and gnarly training day.

The goal for the gym session was to "F $#!+ Up."

Now before you get your undies in a bunch over the name...when it comes to how I handle myself in fitness--I'm not fluffy, flowy and feminine. I'm my own personal Drill Sargeant, I do not smile during sets, and I rarely talk- except to myself. And I use no- nonsense words that CLEARLY define the goal and/or directive.

SIDENOTE: The amount of estrogen in today's world is just...beyond. On these Training Days I also seek to reduce my exposure to estrogen and increase my exposure to testosterone. I do not speak with any women, do not listen to any music by female artists, or by any dudes who sound like they are crying and whining. Music for the day has a STRONG base note running through it, and is usually a mix of Dr. Dre, Pac, Eminem, 50 Cent, Snoop and a little Biggy until he gets too nasty.

Below is the entire gym session from today. Make sure you eat after you're finished, and then rest a bit before heading back out for outdoor conditioning- hills, stairs and sprints on turf. And of course...be sure you're staying up on your water intake.

Have fun!

"The F Some S#!+ Up Workout"

WARM-UP:

TRI-DIRECTIONAL SHOULDER RAISES

Hold weight plates with SpiderMan Grip
10 Lateral raises
10 front raises
10 bent over Lateral raises
10 bent over pinkie up lateral raises (rear delt)

20 PUSHUPS WITH SWITCH-UP LEGS

5 pushups using only one foot
5 pushups with both feet
5 pushups with the opposite foot
5 pushups with both feet

SUSPENDED UPWARD PIKES

Chalk your hands and jump up to an overhead bar with overhand grip (just outside shoulder width apart)
The long and short of it is that you do an upward pike so that the soles of your feet are looking up at the sky. Come back down to start and repeat.
10 reps AND THEN DROP DOWN IMMEDIATELY AND DO 15 PUSHUPS

GOAL POST SHOULDER PRESS

Start with arms in a football goal post position, and press up from there
4 Sets total of the following sequence:

5 reps both arms/5 reps one arm- the other arm in static hold/5 reps opposite side/5 reps both arms AND THEN SUPERSET with 20 total body abdominal crunches with a plate resting on your forearms (knees come towards your forehead)

After the 2nd and 4th set, go do a handstand and shift your weight from one arm to the other

SHOULDER MOBILITY WITH PVC PIPE (OR A BAND THAT BARELY STRETCHES)

Start from your palms facing your thighs with overhand grip and go backwards a few times
Start from behind your glutes with reverse grip and come forward a few times
Be advised: this for SHOULDER MOBILITY; THIS IS NOT A TRAP-LED EXERCISE. Meaning:

If when you bring your arms around, you see your traps lift up in order to be able to pass the bar- you’re giving yourself an escape route and are doing NOTHING to facilitate shoulder moblity.
If you hear and/or feel your hands sliding back and forth along the bar as you circle around- you’re giving yourself an escape route and are doing NOTHING to facilitate shoulder mobility.

GIANT LUNGE STRETCHES:

SIDE STRETCH: Lunge to one side and hold. REALLY get in there and get a good stretch all the way up your leg to your groin. Repeat opposite side.
FRONT STRETCH: Giant forward lunge stretch and hold. Your goal is to have a straight line running from the back of your head all the way down to your back heel. Repeat opposite side.

NOW WE CAN BEGIN OUR TRAINING SESSION.

ARNOLD PRESSES

4 Sets of the following sequence: 10-15 reps s/s 15 lateral raises s/s tight-line shoulder circles (10 forward, 10 backward)

After 1st set, do 10 SUSPENDED UPWARD PIKES
After 2nd set, do 10 PUSHUPS with a plate on your back
After 3rd set, do a HANDSTAND and shift your weight from one arm to the other
After 4th set, do SHOULDER MOBILITY WITH PVC PIPE

ONE ARM REAR DELT PULLS ON PEC DEC

4 Sets of: 10 RD pulls each arm s/s narrow stance stationary split squat-weight distribution is mostly on one leg (10 each leg)

ONE ARM PEC DEC

Go heavy on this

Set the pins so that your arms do not extend any farther than your shoulders, we’re not looking for a pec stretch here; we want power
$#!+ stagger your feet for maximum stability and isolation

4 Sets of 15 each arm s/s 10 alternating reverse grip DB front press ups (range of motion is from your chin to your scalp) s/s alternating DB bicep curls to failure

SUSPENDED LIFTS ON FLAT BENCH

10 OFF THE TOP:

Lay on flat bench with your scapulae suspended off the top of bench; elbows wide, fingertips BARELY touching the base of your skull
Lower your thorax towards the floor and lift back up to parallel.

Position your legs and feet so that you keep your lower back on the bench; do not arch*

10 OFF THE SIDE:

Lay on flat bench with one scapula suspended off the side, elbow on that side wide, fingertips BARELY touching the base of your skull. Position your legs and feet for stability.
Use your obliques to drive and control this movement
Repeat with opposite side

KNEELING NARROW RANGE BARBELL REVERSE GRIP FRONT RAISES

Kneel on a flat bench, hold barbell with reverse grip and bend elbows
4 Sets of the following sequence:

5 front raises from nipple line to forehead line
5 front raises from nipple line to chin line
5 front raises from chin line to forehead line
5 front raises from nipple line to forehead line

SKULL CRUSHERS

Position yourself so that your elbows are farther north than your ears
4 Sets of 10 and s/s with 1 arm DB overhead tricep extensions -get a good stretch with these- (10 each arm)

After the 2nd and 4th set, do WEIGHT-SHIFTING HANDSTAND

USE A FLAT BENCH FOR THE FOLLOWING:

COPENHAGAN PLANKS

2 Sets- 10 each side

PIKE HAMSTRING STRETCHES

Sit on floor, heels on bench with straight legs (pike position) and lean torso into your legs- do not curl your lower back

PIKE LEG LIFTS

Pike position as above, hands on the floor and lift your bottom up off the floor and point toes
Lift one leg upwards, and then out towards the side. Bring it back to center, lift it straight up, cross it over to opposite side and back to center. Repeat with opposite leg.
QUALITY OVER QUANTITY- 3x ea side

COPENHAGAN PLANKS

10 each side

Z STRETCH

BUTTERFLY STRETCH

Place hands under ankles and press elbows down on inner thighs - keep a flat back

GIANT LUNGE STRETCHES:

SIDE STRETCH: Lunge to one side and hold. REALLY get in there and get a good stretch all the way up your leg to your groin. Repeat opposite side.
FRONT STRETCH: Giant forward lunge stretch and hold. Your goal is to have a straight line running from the back of your head all the way down to your back heel. Repeat opposite side.

PANCAKE STRETCH

Stand with feet wide apart (legs straight), bend torso down towards the ground; keep a flat back and straight legs

CHILD’S POSE

Stretch the arms out to get a deep stretch in and around your armpits and then thread the needle (each side)